With or Without
by Kay8abc
Summary: Buffy is sick and tired of her life, and she wants her mate. How far will she go to get him? Hint, look carefully at the title. Takes place in season 4 BtVS and season 1 Ats.
1. All Wrong

With or Without

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, if I did, I wouldn't be writing this.**

**Rating: M**

**Spoilers: Anything is game.**

**Pairing: B/A(us) W/O X/A G/O **

**Chapter 1. All Wrong**

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** Buffy lay awake, the rise and fall of the chest of the person next to her felt all wrong. She sighed. How did this happen, she wondered. Angel. Right. Riley was nice, solid, and well, human, but it was all wrong. She grabbed her clothes, and left his room.

She walked out into the cool night air. She didn't even notice as she started to walk toward Crawford Mansion. She stopped and looked up into its foreboding solitude. She sighed and walked inside. Her hand traced the wall as she walked from room to room.

She began to think of everything that had happen between her and Angel. The first time she knocked him over, to the first kiss, and the second, and the third, and the fourth, and well you get the point. Angel made her feel like she was burning. Riley made her feel empty. She had to pretend he was Angel, just to get wet enough it didn't hurt. She even had to fake her orgasms. With Angel, a look could have her dripping. Even Angelus for that matter had her hot and wet. Angelus, he would never leave his mate. He would stay or turn her, maybe even kill her, but he wouldn't leave her. Maybe he would try to suck the world into hell again, but that was already where she was.

A part of her said, what about the others. Like they even cared about her happiness. Willow had Oz, Xander had Anya, and Giles even had Olivia. They were too wrapped up in their lives to even see her. All she had was Riley, which really wasn't that much, and a giant gaping hole in her chest.

She stopped at the door to Angelus' room. Angel didn't go in here, for the most part neither did she. Now she did. She walked in, taking in the darkness. The room was huge, everywhere there was silk and satin. Deep crimson and black was the color scheme. Most of the space was dominated by a huge four-poster bed. Crimson red silk sheets and chains bolted to the wall. A shiver went through her as she thought about just what he could do to her with them.

She decided right there, she need her mate, soul or not.

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A/N: Sorry it's so short, but I need to draw all the flies to my web. I figure the best way to do that is to start with quality not quantity. Don't worry, quantity is coming quite soon. Also tell me what you think, my muse is like my cat; devious, controlling, and capable of mental torture (She figured out DOORKNOBS!!!!!!!!!! I will never again be able to sleep in peace! Damn Cat!) However both T.C. (my cat) and my muse can be swayed by; praise, worship, and expensive jewelery (yes my cat is able to tell the difference between a real diamond and a fake). OKay enough about my cat and muse. Just click the green button. However if you want evidence of my cat's ability to mentally torture most to all living creatures I will be happy to tell you,and use you as a witness if they try to take me to the funny farm. Okay rant done.


	2. Soul or Not

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Disclaimer: **I don't own them! How many times do I have to say it?!?**

**Warning: **This chapter is NC-17, as will most of the following chapters. Also, If Buffy and Riley together disgust you as much as they do me don't read it. However I will tell you that in order to understand some of the following chapters it is a good idea to read this and have a garbage can available.

**A/N: **Some people will probably wonder if I hate them together so much why I wrote this, I will tell you it is all part of a master plan. Also, it is the reason it took so long for me to update. It makes my skin crawl, and I had nightmares for days. Now thanks to everyone who reviewed or put this in their favorite's list, or alerted this fic.

Thank you so much, Maelys Halliwell Black, Angel-Buffy17, witchywoman9491, forevertrueblue, OneHellOfASouthernBelle, and vixangel. Also special thanks to Jenna, who graciously put a mention of my story up so people could find me. Everyone, who hasn't read any of her stories needs to go to her page, Angel's blue eyed girl. Sorry if I forgot any one.

Enjoy, or don't as the case appears to be.

**Chapter 2. ****Soul or Not**

Buffy, after making her decision, got stumped. Her mom took the car; no buses would leave till 10 the next day, so now she had to figure out just exactly what to do with herself. She supposed she could sleep at the mansion, but no, everyone would worry, then her "boyfriend" (sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little.) would send out his army buddies, just in case. He was absolutely hopeless. She sighed; she realized she had to go play the good little human girlfriend.

She went back to his dorm; she mentally shuddered, just walking in there. She walked up the stairs to his room. She put on a smile that did not reach her eyes as she knocked on his door. Not even 2 seconds later did the door fly open. Riley pulled her into his arms.

"Buffy, I'm so glad your back. Is everything okay? You didn't get hurt, did you? I wish I could have been there."

"It's okay; patrol was quick, dusted two vamps. No big."

"As long as you're okay."

He then proceeded to kiss her in what she had come to realize was his, "I'm trying to seduce you" way. His hand wandered under her shirt, to unclasp her bra. Reaching her breasts, fondling lightly. She gave him a small, hopefully believable moan. He took the encouragement to remove her clothing. First her shirt, then actually removing her bra, not just moving it out of the way. She in return, removed his shirt. She ran her hands down his abs. She felt the warmth radiating from him. Her mind screamed to her that it was wrong. Her heart made no comment, as it had given up so long ago. Her body shuddered, fighting the urge to recoil. He however took the shudder as his doing and moved toward un-buttoning her pants.

Now came the moment she dreaded the most. She was so dry, she felt like she could out dry the Sahara. She tried to think of Angel, his quiet ways. The way he would look at her like she was the only one in the world. Then Angelus, who was dark and how he looked like walking sex, but the body next to her was just too warm. The hope she had felt earlier was making what she was trying to do almost impossible.

She broke off kissing him. She said with a lusty smile that bordered on predatory, "I'll be right back." She sauntered to the bathroom.

Once she was in, she shut the door. She took a red colored powder from a small bag attached to her ankle for times like this. She threw it up in the air above her. She whispered the incantation that went with it. She felt herself get wet. She thanked the witch that made this for her. Of course, she had to go out of California to get, because it wouldn't due for anyone to know about it. She couldn't ask Willow for the obvious reasons. She was just glad that the old witch understood about sleeping with some one that you didn't want to. The witch had been in an arranged marriage with an abusing man. It hurt less if she was wet, it also gave her some satisfaction that he couldn't hurt her like that. The spell also made her infertile, another way to stick it to him. Buffy liked the old woman. She was a very strong willed woman, who had turned to the occult to escape. She had trapped him in his house till he died, after he started taking interest in her little sister. She was happy to help Buffy. They still wrote letters, even after Buffy had learned to make the powder herself.

Once she mentally prepped herself for what she had to do she took off the rest of her clothes, and removing all hidden weapons, she went to face her doom.

Of course when she went back out, she could see him get hard immediately. He walked over to her. He told her she looked amazing. He began to kiss her. She reached in to his pants to take him in her hands. Squeezing him and massaging him. She felt him harden even more. She got rid of his pants regretfully. Once they were off he was left in his socks, which he got rid of quickly. He led her to the bed. She laid back on it. He kissed her a couple times, and went to enter her. He thrust into her with what he thought of as strength. His dick was not small compared to that of most of the male population, but it could have been a toothpick compared to Angel. She pretended to moan. He thrust in and out of her. She could feel that he was about to come, so in order not to have to deal with any awkwardness, she pretended to arch back and come. She flexed her muscles in simulation of what she would have done if he could actually make her come. He took no time in coming after that.

He fell exhausted next to her. He kissed her lightly and promptly fell asleep. Once she was sure he was out, she went into the bathroom, turned on the shower and stepped in. She scrubbed herself everywhere he touched her. She scrubbed so hard she began to bleed. , just as Angelus had done so many years ago. Her slayer abilities kicked in and the wounds began to close. She watched and sank down the shower wall and began to sob.

She cried for what she had to do. She cried for how she was betraying Angel. She cried for the world, and she cried for herself. She thought she had cried herself out long before this, but apparently not. With the hope that she could have her mate back, it made everything much worse.

She turned of the scalding water, and left the shower. She made sure her face looked fine, as she crawled back into bed with the wrong man. She began to pray for the day.

**Several hours later…**

Buffy looked at the clock next to Riley's bed. It read 9 o'clock. She smiled. She left a not to Riley, telling him that she had to see her dad in LA and she had to catch a bus, and not to worry, she would return in a week. She also told him to tell the scoobies that she was leaving. She explained that she had forgotten to tell anyone with the big test and apocalypse that week.

She hoped it would suffice. She ran out of the dorm like a bat out of hell. She almost laughed as the sun hit her face, and the wind whipped through her hair. She ran to the mansion, grabbed her bag and left for the bus station. One ticket to L/A, and she was free.

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Review. You know you want to.


	3. Like a Bat out of Hell

Disclaimer: Still no.

A/N: **I am so sorry!! I had so much to do that I had no time to write this. So I hope writing a really long chapter helps. I have been writing a different part of this story, because the last chapter gave me nightmares. Anyway, finales are over so you should have a lot more chapters coming your way. Thanks to everyone again, especially Roxy (Angel-Buffy17), every one who hasn't, should read her renamed story also to Abby, who made it clear, that I need to update faster. To everyone else, I would totaly write all of your names up here, but I figured that getting the chapter out was more important.**

**Enjoy!!**

**Warning: Contains talk of suicide and dark matters.**

**Chapter 3 Like a Bat out of Hell**

Buffy sat with her head resting against the window of the bus, staring at the moving scenery. Every mile away, the more light hearted she felt. The sun was shinning, birds were singing, and she was about to release hell on the world. Life was good. She had wondered if what she was doing was right. She had been having doubts. Was it okay to let out the Scourge of Europe? Then she thought of what would happen if she didn't. She shuddered. NO! She couldn't go back.

Now that she was so close, she wondered how she could get Angel in to a container that only she could release him from. She had thought it out. She couldn't just make him happy enough to lose his soul, they would just stick it back in. Most spells would back fire, or have a loophole a mile wide. Most containers for souls if broken the soul would go back to its body. No she needed something high grade, and in a place that no one would speak of what went on. Good thing she knew just the place.

She stepped into a dark lit room. She walked past, what looked like an abandon store. She walked to the door that read, _"Staff Only"_ She knocked twice.

A slit opened in the door, appearing like the magic it was. An eye could be seen. It was slit, like a cat's or reptile's.

"Oh, it's you."

"Yeah, wanna let me in?"

"Are you going to break everything again?"

"NO."

"Good."

The slit closes and the door opens. As she walks in, she mutters, "Well not everything. I still need the jar thingy."

The human like demon who opened the door, just shook his head. As he moved to escort her to the main room, he was bathed in light. The demon looked a mix between cat, snake, and human. His head had light fur on it. He had two very feline ears. They swiveled back and forth; listen for any sound that would indicate a threat. He had a human shaped head. However his face begged to differ. His eyes could have been feline, or reptilian, no one really knew. His nose was more of a raised line that ended in two tiny holes. His mouth was human, except for a partially forked tounge and sharp felinesque canines. His neck was longer than that of any humans. His torso and hip were sinewy and had a cat-like grace about them. The skin you could see on his chest was golden fur that shimmered in the light. His skin was a mix of tough undercoat and belly scales of a python. His hands were clawed much like a cat's. They were even retractable. Unlike a cat's however, they were laced with a poisen that a single drop could knock out a werwolf, and drop a human in under 20 seconds. Strangly enough her had a ccats tail, but at the end it, the fur tapered off, and a rattle was left on the end. The tail could be used as an effective whip, or as a warning device, but if necessary it could be so silent you never even knew it was there.

He was employed as a bodygaurd, as many of his kind, the Caedes, were. Their name was Latin for, slaughter, killing, carnage. Ironically, the Caedes had a code of honor, which included only killing if in the absolute need. When they did kill it was quick and clean, and basically untracable. Their poison, once it ran its course, faded into the blood stream. No test could find it, only another Caedes could tell if their poison was used. Each Caedes had a different type of smell to their own personal poison.

Their poison was used for many things and had many myths surrounding it. It was also extremely rare that the poison was separated from the Caedes. No one, but the Caedes, knew all the uses for their poison. Even then, new things arose.

Buffy trusted Caedeses. She knew that they were a neutral, unless hired, even then they had standards. She had used their services before when she lived in L.A., to protect both of her parents. She liked them, because they would defend their clients to their last breath, and they had a weird sense of humor that she enjoyed.

She had been using them lately to knock out Riley. She would get Riley alone, then have him "accidently" hit his head and get knocked on concious. Then she would have the Caedes keep him asleep with a small does of their poison, so she could have some alone time. She couldn't do it that often because he would get suspicious. However the times she did use the Caedes to knock him out, and get a moment of alone time, she was close to killing him, or herself. Fortunantly or unfortunantly, depending on how you look at it, Roarick her Caedes demon would talk her out of both. Sometimes it got so bad that he had to drug her himself.

She had hired him after Angel left incase something like that happened. He had been nothing but loyal, even when she broke several of his ribs, and broke his nose. Under her contract she had to set up an empathy link with him, incase she did try to kill herself or anyone else for that matter. She knew that at one point or another she would do something like that, and she wanted to make sure that while she was still sane, she would be safe from herself.

She felt bad about how her emotions affected Roarick. Roarick was the only one who knew just how miserable she was. His exact words were, "I can't breathe. I feel like I being ripped into shreds and being burned alive. I feel like I need to break something, scream, get angry, cry, or colapse and die. How do you function like this?" He had asked in an almost clinical manner. She had laughed at him and said this was her on a good day. He then said in a under breathe manner, that few, including her, could hear, well no wonder you want an empathy link, misery just loves company. She had chuckled to herself and responded in a light manner, I can hear you. He had replied in the same tone, that's why I said it.

Now of course, the Caedes in front of her was not Roarick. Roarick was currently, where ever the hell he usually was when she was not emotionally on the side of sui or homi scidal. She had been very good with her emotions. Not too happy or too depressed of late. Roarick knew about the scene in the shower, how could he not? She had made his appearance before she left for L.A., making sure she was not thinking any too violent thoughts. She had fed him the same lies as Riley and the Scoobies, but adding that the real reason she was leaving was to get away from the people who "loved her" in her life. He had bought it due to the fact she was only feeling, relief, happiness, and a little guilt, besides the heart shredding normal pain. He had assumed that the guilt was for leaving the unmentionable people without protection for a while, not for lying to him. He was very wrong, but she had expected him to feel that guilt so she had laid the ground work for her excuse two days earlier.

She had been angry that they always objected to her leaving because not only would it leave the hell mouth unguarded, but they would have no one to pull their asses out of danger if some thing happened. She had said she was begging to get why slayers worked alone.

So the Caedes in front of her was not Roarick, but Rian. They had met when she first visited this shop. She had been tracking a demon trying to raise hell on earth or something, she couldn't remember. She did remember getting to the shop, breaking a ton of stuff killing him and getting covered in demon goo, and meeting Rian, after trying to kill the owner of the shop. Rian had told her that they did not sell to demons who wanted to bring hell on earth or cause aimless destruction, it always came back to them in a bad way, her being example A. The owner was kind, a little evil, if one could be that. He had a code of honor, which he took very seriously. He also had a Caedes demon working for him, so he couldn't be all bad.

They had talked for a while. She had apologized for destroying his shop, he told her he had insurance. She had thought it funny for a demon to have insurance, but she had seen strangers things. He had said that he owed her because it was usually a big hassle to get rid of unwanted customers. He had told her that if she needed anything she would help her out.

Before she left, Rian had told her that he knew about her situation from Roarick. He had told her he would let he know if there were anything causing havoc so she could escape for a while. After she thanked him she left to go back to Sunnyhell.

Rian was true to his word and she would go to L.A. for a while, and do some violence, have a night out with him and his friends, do some clubbing, and go home. It was a good system, and one she was grateful for. However he never let her forget about her clumsiness and tendency to break the most expensive thing near her, which occurred more than once after the scene in the store. She in return tried to break the most expensive thing just to annoy him. Now it was just playful banter between them, mostly.

He led her through the shop to a very tastefully decorated office in the back. As they entered, she saw some thing move out from the corner of her eye. Before she had time to look at it fully, the owner appeared at his deck, looking as of he had been there the whole time. Which she knew was not the case. She had no idea what the owner was. For all intents and purposes, he appeared and acted very much human. His clothing and office where modern and classy, so that was no help. He was considered handsome by any one with eyes, but he had the air of wisdom that only comes from many lives and many mistakes. However from what she could puzzle together, he was fast, strong, magically inclined, ageless, and clairvoyant. But that could be anything, she knew, she had tried to research him, but it had failed miserably.

He made a noise in his throat, distracting her from her thoughts.

"So Ms. Summers, finally decided on your favor." he stated, not questioned, stated. _'Clairvoyant, I knew it!' _

"Yes, do you have anything that will hold a soul, can't be broken, can't be released by anyone but the taker, and unobtrusive?"

"What a specific favor."

"Well it is a specific task to accomplish, and I don't want anything or anyone to screw with it."

"I might have something along those lines."

"So how long will it take to get?"

"Five steps or so."

"…?!?"

"Yes, I was expecting this, I hope you know what your doing."

"I do." "Good. I have very little patience for some one who has no idea what their doing, it makes for bad business."

"Thanks?"

He took the five steps to a painting on the wall. Moving it a side, she expected to see a safe, there was just wall. She was beginning to suspect, that he was not all together there, that was until he pressed a hand to the wall, and it went, well, _poof_!

Behind the entire wall was a giant safe. He put his hand against the metal door. It beeped, and then it slid open. He then took a knife from thin air, cut his palm, let one drop of blood fall, whispering something. Black and purple sparks flashed before a blue light could be seen in vault.

He carefully lifted out a small black box. He waved his free hand, closing the vault. He replaced the picture, and walked over to her, the black box still in hand.

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A/N Sorry people, I leave it here just to give you something. Also the more you review, the more guilt I feel and the faster I update.


	4. Released

**Disclaimer: Depressingly a consistent no.**

**Rating: NC-17!!!!!**

**Warnings: You should know by now what they are.**

**A/N: It's finally here the chapter you've all been waiting for. Enjoy!**

**A/N: This has been out for a week, no one reviewed so I'm guessing no alert was sent out. So I have deleted this and republished it in hopes you will all get the message. So please review.**

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**Chapter 4 Released**

He handed her the box. She looked at it with curiosity. I was the size of a necklace box. She wondered what the hell it was. As she opened the box her confusion magnified. It was in fact a necklace. It was labridorite. A good cut she could tell from the color. It had an iridescent blue look to it instead of the normal green hue the stone possessed.

She looked to him and asked, "How does it work?"

"Well it's quite simple. Will his soul to be caught and it will. However you must be sure this is what you want, there is no going back. Once his soul is in the container, it **will remain **there."

"What does the soul experience in this necklacy thing?"

"I don't know for sure, but it is said that the soul experiences heaven, or at least happiness and inner peace. However it is not aware of anything else outside the container."

"How will I know it worked."

"The container will glow and continue shifting colors of the persons aura or soul."

"Cool. Although it might be hard to match it with outfits."

Rian forgotten in the corner chuckled softly. The owner merely smiled.

"How far away do I have to be from hi…, I mean the person?"

"I know who your target is, there is no need for secrecy."

"You never know who's listening."

"Very well. You must be in contact with you target for no more than 6 seconds."

"Anything else I need to know?"

"About the container no. However, just know you are always welcome here. It will always remain a sanctuary if you wish it to be so. I believe we have a bed or two around here some where."

"Yeah, at least one isn't cursed." Rian said.

"Thanks, I think."

With that Buffy left. The box hidden in her coat as she walked down familiar streets. She was not thinking of what she was about to do, but of how quite the night was. No sooner had she thought this did two vamps jump down from a near by roof.

She sighed and muttered, "I so don't have time for this."

The vamps looking like they had been stuck in the 80s, snickered thinking they had just caught a free meal. The had her way blocked on both ends, seeing as she had followed a familiar patrol route, and ended up in an alley.

The uglier one leered at her, licking his lips, he said, "Poor little girl, all alone in a dangerous neighborhood."

The slightly less ugly one said, "should have stayed home tonight little girl, right Bill?"

"Right Tony."

Buffy merely pulled a stake out from some where on her person, concealing it from the vamps, but ready to go. She had lost her witty repertoire as she had fallen into her depression. She had not however lost her blood lust, instead she seemed to have gained a cruelty. She of course had disguised this from her "friends/boyfriends". Her eyes no longer light up when she fought, instead they gleamed a cold dead sort of demented look that screamed danger. Much like the look of Drusilla when she was not lost in madness. The vampires oblivious to the danger continued to get closer, making crude remarks. A weak intimidation tactic at best. She merely smiled a cruel looking thing that made her seem more demon than human. How far she had fallen, if her "friends" could see her now how far would they run, she thought with some mirth.

Finally the vampires were close enough for her to take them down. She lunged forward towards Bill the obvious leader. It was so much more fun to kill the boss and make the sidekick suffer. She slammed the stake home watching him dust. Know he had it easy, she turned to the sidekick, Tony. He seemed nervous, but not yet ready to flee. She jumped up over him, careful to cut him twice on the face with the still dusty stake, before landing behind him. She swept his feet from under him. She stomped down on his ribs, satisfied when she heard them crack. She pulled a dagger from her back. She sliced him down his chest. She jumped away giving him time to stand. She began to stalk toward him. He took a couple of steps back, before hitting a wall. Now he was terror personified. He began to plead with her. He offered her everything, if only he could be let go. She continue to smile as she brought her dagger down on him slicing his ear off. Then the other.

She could smell his fear. It was like a drug. She loved that smell. Once she was repulsed by it, now it made her feel alive. She had learned a lot about torture from Watcher diaries, and books Giles thought safely locked in his house. She had learned even more from Angelus. She smiled at the memory.

It was in the beginning of her fall. She had gone to the mansion for some peace. She had noticed a book next to the couch. She recognized it, as Angel had tried to hide it from her. She had left it alone, because she knew it some how made him brood more. Curiosity got the better of her as she flipped it open to a random page and began to read.

She realized it was a book of torture. She flipped back to the cover and the authors name made her smile. It said simply Angelus Master of Torture. She continued reading it, imagining using some of the techniques on Riley. She had read it till she had fallen asleep on the couch. She had read the book religiously until she knew it by heart. She began using her knew found knowledge on her nights were she patrolled alone. Reveling in the fear she caused. She made sure no victims or witnesses got away. It would not do for some one to squeal to the rest of the demon community, or to her "friends". She had a skill for it she found out, improving on some techniques, or creating her own. She read everything she could on the subject. Now she was only using a quick way to inspire fear. Blood and pain.

The vamp, she noticed, was reduced to a puddle of blood, bones, and limited organs. She staked the heart quickly turning the mess to a fine dust.

She continued on her way feeling a lot more relaxed and a lot more sure of what she was about to do. She quickly made her way to Angel Investigations. She slipped through a window, making her way down into his apartment. She whispered a spell of sleep, she had learned just for this situation. She moved to his bedroom, she saw him asleep on the bed. She admired his relaxed look. She touched the necklace to his bare chest, and counted to six.

The necklace glowed blue and then his skin seemed to glow a golden color. She looked closer. There was shades of orange, red, blue, and every other color under the sun. They all came together creating an ethereal glow. It came pouring off him. It flowed into the necklace. It flashed a brilliant gold, before settling to a swirl of ever moving color. She place the necklace back in the box and into the pocket of her coat that was currently on a chair in the other room. She went back to the room wondering how long it would take him to wake up. When she entered the room he was definitely awake. In fact he had changed into leather pants. Making her want to drool, he knew that was how she would react.

He had a feral glint in his eyes, as he looked her over. She was watching him with the same expression, as her eyes traveled down his naked chest. Before she could open her mouth to explain, he slammed her against the wall. Her hands above her head. She knew she could break free if she wanted, so did he. He shifted her small hands to one of his large hands, still pinned above her head.

He moved his hand down her body as she arched into him. He stopped at the bottom of her shirt. His eyes filling with lust, he ripped the shirt off her body. Her bra, torn fell to the ground. He stopped for a moment, his eyes just taking in his golden goddess's beauty. She shivered at the look in his eyes, as he unconsciously shifted into his game face. It felt like forever before his mouth latched onto her breast. He rolled it around with his tongue. Scrapping his pointed teeth over the very top. He drew blood, which he lapped up.

He gave attention to her other breast as well. He cupped it in his ice cold hand. It felt so cold against her flaming hot skin that she almost came from that alone. She felt him scrap his finger nail across her nipple, like how his teeth were over her other breast. With her potent blood in his mouth, he began to bite around her nipple, giving her tiny pin points of pain all over her breast. But just as soon as he bit, he ran his tongue over the bite, soothing it. The many points of pain quickly became points of pleasure. She was withering in the ecstasy of his bite, and the coolness of his skin against hers.

It wasn't enough. She wanted, no needed more. She pressed against him, she could feel his arousal. She needed him now. She rolled her hips against his, but she was still pinned to the wall. He knew what she wanted, and he wanted it too. He ripped off her skirt, adding it to the ever growing pile of destroyed clothes. She was left only in her panties, which he could smell were wet all the way through.

He let her hands go as he removed her final article of clothing. With her newly freed hands, she ripped off his tight leather pants, freeing his cock. She grabbed it in her small warm hands, massaging it, feeling it, and committing it to her memory. He couldn't wait any longer, he grabbed her hands, as she wrapped her legs around him, and he poised in front of her opening. He looked into her eyes, before thrusting into her searing heat. She exploded, her head flying back into the wall from the pleasure. She was so tight. So hot. He felt like he was being surrounded by lava. Her muscles clenching around him, like a vice.

She felt so full, so complete. Her eyes fluttered as she looked at him. He was staring at her, his eyes blazing gold, his teeth stained red from her blood. She felt him pull out of her, and she let out a whimper of protest, before he slammed back in to her. She grabbed the back of his head, as he pulled out again. He thrust into her again and again, faster and faster. She felt herself getting closer and closer to the edge. He knew she was close, so he shifted her a little, so that he could reach even further into her. As he thrust into her again, going much, much further than before, she fell.

She saw stars exploding behind her eyes, as the waves of pure bliss crashed over her again and again. He watched her explode, before he too, reached his climax. With a roar, he erupted into her. His cold seed filling her. As they both slowly came back down, she looked at him and kissed him, her tongue, in a duel of dominance with his. At this point she noticed that he was still incredibly hard. So she slid her tongue over and around his fangs, purposely cutting herself on them. Her blood landed on his tongue making him moan in pleasure. He stumbled backwards onto the bed. Landing with her on top.

Before she could stop him, he flipped them both. He was now on top. He smirked, she chuckled. This time he was going slow, achingly slow. She squirmed trying to get him go fasted. He just smirked. She decided two could play this game. She used her nails to create a small cut on her wrist, which she slowly began to the lick blood that ran down her arm off. He couldn't help it, he began to push into her harder and faster as he watched her lick her own blood. He tilted his head and licked blood from her chin. His eyes blazing an even brighter gold as he felt her begin to shake under him.

She kept her eyes glued to him. She kept her stare unbroken as she tilted her head slightly to the side. She whispered, "Drink." He did not hesitate as he savagely bit down on her siren blood. As soon as his fangs punctured her flesh she came. She came screaming his name like it was her only chance at salvation. She clung to him. Her walls gripped him in the same death grip that her arms had him in. He followed her, roaring her name to the heavens.

He came down to earth before her and he watched as she lay in the grip of waves of pleasure. When she finally became aware of her surroundings, he moved his weight off of her. Before he could totally remove his weight, she grabbed him. Her nails digging in to his back as she clutched him to her. It was as if she was afraid he would disappear. Her shoulders began to shudder, as her tears began to fall. She buried her head into his chest, sobbing into him. Great racking sobs, that had her shaking all over. He moved once again keeping her in contact with him as he rearranged her into his lap. With his arms wrapping around her, he began to rock her, while rubbing soothing circles on her back. He _shhhhed_ her, whispering over and over again, that he wasn't going to leave her and that everything was going to be fine. Eventually, she fell asleep in his arms. He slipped them both under the covers, as he wrapped himself around her huddled form. She, in her sleep, burrowed in to him, trying to get as close as she possibly could. He kissed the top of her blond head, her silky hair on his shoulder. He slowly drifted off to sleep, but not before swearing revenge on all who hurt his blond goddess, and mate.

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What do you think? Please review.


	5. Morning After

**A/N : It's never forgotten and never far from mind. Just talk to my friends. Anyway I have only to type up the next few chapters so hopefully there will be no more long waits.**

**Rating : NC-17**

**Warnings : You should know by now.**

**Disclaimer : All I own is the plot and the Caedes, all the rest is not mine.**

**Chapter 5 Morning After

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Buffy awoke, blinking she tried to remember where she was, and who she was lying next to. Slowly the events from the night before came back. She stretched out and turned to face Angelus, who was unsurprisingly awake. He smirked at her. He looked so relaxed, unfettered by the guilt that plagued Angel.

Angel, she sighed.

Honestly she was happy he was gone, but she could not stop loving him. Her thoughts drifted to his darker half, the master vamp that was walking sex in leather. For better or for worse she knew she had made the right choice. Angel wanted to be a man free of his demon. How could he ever understand her, when she had a demon she embraced wholeheartedly. He knew the trill of the hunt, but hated how it made him feel. She thrived on the rush, the power, the dark joy she drove from the blood that fell from her adversaries. He would never understand the dark lust for death and chaos that was barely contained below her skin.

Angelus watched the play of emotions cross her visage. He could only wonder what caused such a myriad of emotions. He knew not what caused his release, and her reactions the night before. He had held her as she was lost in the throes of pleasure and then again when she collapsed in his arms sobbing like she was dying. He watched as she slept, lost to a dark dream he knew not of. She radiated a numbness when he first saw her. It was quickly hidden as she saw his eyes open. It was a brief flash, one he might have missed if he had not known her.

_My Slayer what could cause you to lose the spark that I tried so hard to destroy?_

Whatever the answers were, he knew he would not like them.

Angelus was the first to speak, "So I'm guessing there's a reason for my current lack of a soul."

"I guess I don't care if you send the world to hell any more, at least it would be a nice change of pace. If you kill me it's not like I haven't tried that before. So kill me torture me do whatever you want."

"Really Buf that's so sweet, but lacking challenge. How do you feel about being a vampire with all the perks."

Before she could answer he grabbed her and sunk his fangs into her neck. He felt the sweet ecstasy of her slayer blood as it ran down his throat. Buffy felt the pain of the initial puncture and then all the felt was the alluring call of death's song.

She fell into the welcoming Darkness.

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**AN**: No its not over, another chapter will be out tomorrow.


	6. Falling

**A/N: As promised here is the next chapter. **

**Rating: NC-17**

**Warnings: If you're reading this, it's quite obvious.**

**Disclaimer: All I own is the plot and the Caedes, all the rest is not mine.**

**Chapter 6 Falling

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Slowly light filtered through her eyelids. She tried to sit up, but instantly a wave of nausea coursed through her. She lay back down waiting for the feeling to pass. She looked around from where she lay. The sun was rising, she could tell by the faint colored lighting that surrounded her.

Memories flashed before her eyes, disjointed and incomplete. She saw Angelus, the wall, felt intense pain, and then all was dark. Slowly things began to make sense. She was at Angel's LA office. Angelus was free, he bit her, but she was not dead, nor living dead. It didn't make sense.

Slowly she sat up, not wanting to repeat the sense of vertigo that accompanied her earlier movements. When she was finally sitting she noticed that she was not alone. Angelus was sitting in chair, in the corner of the room where the sun could not reach him. She almost confused him with Angel, as his shoulders were slumped and a pensive look graced his face.

He said nothing, and neither did she. They sat like that in the silence. It seemed like they remained frozen in the all consuming silence for ages, but it was barely a minute. Buffy was the first to speak.

"So, how about them Lakers?"

"What the fuck Buff? You were seriously going to let me kill you?"

His quiet questions were spoken with such confusion and almost, she dared think, fear. She sighed looked to the floor. When she looked up again he was still looking at her. His gaze demanding an answer.

"Apparently."

"I don't accept that!"

His anger was clear as he straightened his back and fire glinted in his eyes. She at first felt she deserved it, but then why was he angry. It wasn't her damn fault she didn't want to live. Just because he was a convenient means to an end, didn't mean he had any reason to be self-righteous. It was her damn life and she could do with it what she wanted.

"Fuck you Angelus! I never wanted any of this! You and your god damned soul left me! What the hell did you expect from me! That I would just get on with my life, with a boyfriend who is as boring as salt, and has control issues worse than you! No, you didn't think! I had to go and fight the good fight, keeping everyone happy, while I lost everything! Do you think I like being a fucking whore for the powers that fucking be and all my so called friends! They practically threw me at the first male specimen that showed interest in me! You want to know what happened next, he screwed me and dropped me! Then came along corn fed Iowa boy Riley! Stable reliable and military man extraordinaire! Then they got mad, because I was "happy" while they were miserable! Blaming me for their own damn problems! But it was still, Buffy go out and kill that demon, and we'll be watching everything you do just to make your life harder than it already is, because you're the slayer and have absolutely no need for privacy. Cause lord know if we don't watch you'll fall for some other undesirable creature of the night! While you're in LA doing your own god damn thing hanging with Queen C an…"

_Smack!_

Buffy twisted and fell on to the bed, very quickly jumping to her feet. Her face red.

"Shut the fuck up! Let's get some things straight. I never left you soul boy did. I am not him not now not ever! Second who the hell are you! The slayer I know would put her foot down and not care about others meaningless drivel. She would do what she thought was right no matter the hell it brought her!"

"Well I guess I'm just not that girl anymore."

"No you're not; you are a weak and pathetic shell of her."

_Sma…thump_

A failed attempt at a slap was followed by a kick. Angelus fell with an umpf. It was the crack in the dam. Buffy enraged by Angelus began to punch him repeatedly. He caught her arm and delivered a kick to her abdomen. She flew and hit the opposite wall. Angelus stalked over to her laughing. She pushed off the wall flying at him hitting him on the jaw. He smashed her head against the wall he just threw her in. Buffy retaliated, bringing her leg up and slamming her foot into his side.

Angelus was forced back and was off balance. Buffy seeing this grabbed a lamp and swung it at his head. Ducking Angelus lost his balance completely; he dropped to the floor and rolled back into his fighting stance. Buffy tried to swing the lamp at him again, but he grabbed it from her and dropped it next to him as he used Buffy's over compensation to push her to the ground. She swept his feet out from under him.

The both fell to the ground grappling. First it was Buffy on top; she smashed her right fist into his face. Angelus flipped her, but was flipped back. Buffy pinned his arms to the side. He head butted her, as she was dazed he brought up his knee and pushed her off. As Buffy was getting up he grabbed her from behind. She twisted around causing her to press up against him.

Angelus smirked. He slipped his hand between her thighs as she attacked his mouth with hers. He plunged two fingers into her, making her back arch in pleasure. He pumped his fingers in and out as she began to pant. He added another finger as she raked her nails down his back reopening the wounds from the night before.

Buffy could feel Angelus' erection pressing against her. She pushed him back on to the bed. His fingers withdrew from her center and she whimpered with their loss, but she knew there was something so much better wait to fill her.

Angelus could only watch as Buffy lifted herself over him and oh so slowly lowered her body on to him. It was excruciatingly slow as he could just feel the tip of his cock enter her opening. She oh so slowly pushed him deep inside her. When he was fully seated she all too quickly lifted herself off of him and then slammed down hard.

Buffy thanking whatever was listening for the strength that allowed her to lift and slam down on him again and again. The way he felt stretching her, filling her was absolutely wicked. She felt his hand grab her hip as he helped her move faster and harder. She was so close she could almost see it. Her rhythm lost, as she wildly flung herself up and down, ridding him.

Angelus was all too quickly getting lost in the pleasure she brought him. He watched as her head flew back golden hair giving her a nebulous of gold around her. He could barely keep himself together as her orgasm hit and her slayer muscles gripped hard. He felt her come down and flipped her so he was on top.

Buffy became aware as she saw Angelus above her giving her the most evil smirk she had ever seen. She was barely back to earth as he plunged inside her. Pounding their bodies together in a way that would make a normal human's body break; she screamed his name again and again as he made her orgasm again and again. She felt him explode inside her briefly as she was thrown back up into orgasmic bliss.

It wasn't until much later did Buffy wake. She felt a sticky spot on her neck where Angelus had obviously bitten her, but she couldn't remember at what point that happen to be. She felt the many bruises throughout her body from both the fight and the sex. She turned to look at him and saw that he did not escape and of the punishment from earlier. Bruises of all shapes and sizes gave color to his normally marble skin. Dried blood dotted the sheets, both his and hers. Her eyes traveled up his body, finally noticing that his eyes were open and he was watching her. He reminded her of the cat who ate the cream, smug and satisfied. He was stretched out and looked more deadly than sin.

"Now that is my slayer, all fiery and full of passion." He said eyes looking her up and down as he licked his lips.

She stretched her lithe body enjoying the ache he caused. She just smiled as smugly as him if not more.

"So are ready to paint Sunnydale red."

"I don't know I might just chain you to the bed and have my way with you for the next decade or so."

"Well not that I would object, but I'm beginning to feel a bit peckish, and I can smell the lovely scent of deserving victims above us."

"SHIT! What time is it? My spell is going to wear off soon! We can't let them know you're back yet if I want to get you to Sunnydale without anyone finding out."

"What's this, do you have a plan, filled with evil and dark deeds?"

"Well not if we don't get moving I don't"

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A/N Sorry this was supposed to be out the next day after ch5, but I got trapped into going to a family vacation where all electronics were banned, and then I got so sick I wasn't in my right mind. Anyway, I'm better and chapters will now be coming out on Wednesdays.


	7. A Mystery You Don't Want Unraveled

Just to get your attention

I I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I

I I I I I I

I I I I I

I I I I

I I I

I I

I

**Read this first! I mean it!  
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**Every one I realize it has been a long time, so I'll keep this short, Buffy has fallen to a depression that has made her realize that she wants her mate with or without his soul. She finds a way to remove said soul avoiding all loopholes to return it, forever freeing Angelus. After some very dark moments and angry fighting and one suicide by Vampire attempt, is where or heroine is left. She has a plan to do serious damage to those that have betrayed her. Nothing is known about the LA gang except they were put under a spell. Caedes are empathy creatures that are a cross between human, cat, and deadly viper. Okay that should be everything, I think. ENJOY!**

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Lifeless.

Numb.

Walls of white, seas of grey.

Hollow eyes reflecting back.

Wraith in thought and form.

Violent storms subdued in a haze of pain.

Betrayal from those who once guarded her heart.

Innocence fought so hard for dashed in an eve.

The call of the light is heard through the iron wrought bars.

Heralds of freedom still heard in the dark.

She is watched but never seen.

Reality, a delusion in her keepers' minds.

Who is she, does she know?

A force once so strong stilled by denial of one's being.

No longer fighting her bonds.

Standing no longer on firm earth.

Defeated by her allies.

She will remain.

She will never be again.

Waves she will not stop.

Hurt that continues ever on.

- A

Familiar manila paper was tucked in to the latest entry in his Watcher's Diary. It sat there in his book, in his home, mocking him. It was folded into fourths, Giles' noticed the irrelevancy of his observation before deciding to open Pandora's Box once again. Giles picked up the paper that haunted his both sleeping and waking realm. His hand shook as he unfolded it, fearing the worst. He breathed a small sigh of relief, it was not a picture. As he began to read the text he could feel his heart stop and then speed up, his hands shaking so badly that the signed A was almost missed. His hands barely stable reached for his phone. He needed to call Buffy to make sure she was okay and to get her back home.

The ringing of the phone woke Buffy. She stretched out on the hotel bed. She was almost back to sleep when her phone rang again. She got up searching blindly for the annoying sound. She searched through the clothes strewn across the floor. She finally found it behind the bedside table in the back pocket of her now useless jeans.

"Hello?"

"Oh, Buffy, Good your up. I hate to cut short your time with father, but it's an emergency. It has to do with the Hellmouth, and well…"

Buffy became aware of saffron eyes upon her.

Of course he was up, that phone was as loud as hell. She mentally chastised herself.

His eyes followed the line of her body. She could already feel heat flushing through her. She tried to turn her attention to the watcher on the phone. She barely managed to catch the last of his babbled tangent.

"I will explain more when you arrive."

"Wait, slow down. What could be so bad that you need to call me, and not tell me?"

"Well it's just…" he stuttered.

"Giles out with it!"

"It's possible that Angelus might have returned."

She waited, making it appear as though she was falling into shock. Giles continued after awhile.

"Yes, well, you can see the severity of this situation. We will need you to come back. You might want to check in with the LA branch and see what happened. Be Safe."

With that he hung up. Leaving a storm of emotion crossing Buffy's face.

Back in Sunnydale fingers quickly dialed familiar numbers. All too soon the Scooby gang had been assembled. Giles had sat very quietly with his hands wrapped around a cup of tea to hide the shaking that would be too obvious a sign for one normally so reserved. As the gang had arrived Giles took note of their subdued air. He had not told them the cause of this meeting, merely that it was important. He watched with a critical eye as he noticed their quick glances at random sounds. The slight flinch at shadows, perhaps he was not the only one to be targeted. This was definitely not a good sign if Angelus was targeting a large group. History showed that he normally focused on an individual alone. This was not his usual MO. Nothing was going to follow any set pattern, which perhaps scared Giles more than anything else. While Angelus was scary and creative, he was to a slight degree predictable. With this gone every rule and every set precedent was lost. This was a whole new game that made Giles worry that their was something working with or influencing the Master Vamp.

Giles was more right than he knew. For it was not Angelus who was running the show. It was truly a whole new game.

Angelus smirked as he considered the possibilities that could be drawn from the mind of his Slayer. She had learned well from his written words and that made it all the more interesting to see what she took from it. He would not interfere in her plans, he was much to content to see what his future childe and mate could accomplish on her own. He would he surmised only step in when there was a flaw that could destroy one or both of them. These musings ran through his head as he watched his golden goddess.

The witch leaned against the werewolf, her eyes focused on internal thoughts. A dissatisfied grimace played across her face. The werewolf stoic as ever held tightly to the small red head. His eyes betraying both a concern and fear for her and a wild protectiveness from his wolf. The human stood behind the chair holding the ex-demon. His face was fearful and confused. The overly detailed one sat with a bored disinterest that was a norm for her. She was not concerned or overly frightened, just bored. Most likely thinking of how long until she could have sex with her human male. The paramilitary man sat rather relaxed. His face wore a look of confidence and silent query as he wondered about this latest threat, as that is only what could have caused a phone call from the Watcher. He was confident that whatever it was it could be handled by his strength and the group's combined talents.

It was then that Giles announced in a quite voice, "He's back."

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**A/N: Yes the poem is mine, if you want to borrow it, please ask first. I don't own anything but the plot, the old woman, and the Caedes. Thank you so much Roxy, with out you this would not have been published. To Jen, sorry it took so long. To everyone else thanks for reading and reviewing. Also thanks to ****MoMmYs-LiTtLe-HeLlRaSeR as it was your unopened review that mocked me and urged me to finally get my act together and update. Okay I will try to update semi regularly, but I need your help to do it. If you want another chapter you have to demand it, otherwise my motivation goes out the window.**

**Review please!**


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